This must be the first tool for midi: midicsv. It converts any midi to a human-readable CSV file, and also converts the CSV file back to midi. This is fantastic because now I can get a really-good-sound midi, convert it to midi, and see now it beats the drum. I was trying to write a midi parser based on midi2abc, but thought there must already exist something like it giving that MIDI has been around for a while.
What a delightful day!
Thanks, John Walker!